Commend Your Spouse; Don’t Condemn Them

“When he is discouraged, help me to remind him of his accomplishments, abilities and skills. Help me to encourage him regarding his gifts and calling. Where I am not seeing them clearly myself, reveal to me all that You have put in him to do that I can point those things out and help him see them too. Amen.” *


That stung a little bit. Anybody else?

I can’t tell you how many times I catch myself talking down to my husband; I am the wife who struggles with always having to be right. Sometimes even when I see my husband’s spirit deflate, I keep going because I want to get my point across. I’m not thinking of his feelings or how deeply this is wounding him. Men are designed to be conquerors, protectors and providers. When I am constantly telling him what he is doing/has done wrong, I know it hurts him on a much deeper level… a spiritual one.

Instead of encouraging him in the things he is doing well, I sometimes point out the things he isn’t doing or should be doing. Our husbands get enough criticizing from the world and from other people out there whether it be in the workforce, family, friends or in ministry. I am always asking for prayer in helping me to humble myself, soften my heart and encourage my husband in the things he is excelling at, because believe me that is a huge list! He is an amazing spiritual leader for our family, a great youth pastor, wonderful at shepherding new believers in Christ, super handy and has the gift of generosity.

In Romans 15:19, God says, “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification.” God gives us a command to do things and say things that will bring about peace and edification. Which do you think would bring peace, criticizing or encouragement? No question!! When my husband has come home from a long day and tells me he is struggling, I want to immediately pray for him and lift him up, reminding him of all he does well and speaking God’s truth over his life!

We all have different areas we struggle with, and ultimately our true source of peace and encouragement comes from our Father in Heaven. However, we need that same encouragement from our spouses, because we are called to be more and more like Jesus every day, and what better way to show His love than by loving the one He has given to us to spend our lives with – our spouse. God has such a purpose and plan for your life and your husband’s, which means we continually need to be reminding him of that so that he can fulfill his God-given purpose!

My challenge for you this week:

Day One: Tell your husband 5 things you respect about him.

Day Two: Name 3 areas you see him excelling in (it can be at work, at home, church, etc).

Day Three: Remind him of reasons why you married him.

Day Four: Place an encouraging note (scripture, love note) in his wallet, briefcase, or whatever you know he will have with him throughout the day, so he will see it.

Day Five: Send him a text reminding him of how attracted you are to him, physically and spiritually.

Day Six: Touch him! Hold his hand, kiss his forehead, give him lots of hugs. Most husbands love that assuring touch from their wives.

Day Seven: Cook him a dinner of his favorite food, and end the dinner by telling him how much you appreciate him!!

I hope this encourages you, and if this is something you struggle with too, don’t worry! We can turn and repent from that sin; God is open to forgive us and offer us grace freely!

Let us start a new trend of speaking life into our husband’s lives! You can see my post about Speaking Life Into People here. I guarantee you it will make a difference! What changes do you hope to see in your marriage? 🙂

*The Power of a Praying Wife by: Stormie Omartian

1 Comment

  1. April 15, 2015 / 3:35 pm

    So awesome!! So thankful to have a best friend that loves the Lord and is an encouragement to so many not just me!

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